


in a year

by havershhm



Series: desk set stories [2]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Suicide, references to canon suicide, yeah this is just an unhappy drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27432832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havershhm/pseuds/havershhm
Summary: A birthday, after.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Series: desk set stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004214
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	in a year

**Author's Note:**

> this is an old thing i found in my notes and i figured i might as well post it. short and sad, just like me :/ anyway hope you enjoy

On Todd’s first birthday after Neil’s death, his parents send him another desk set. It’s the same one as the year before.

Todd knows before he even unwraps it. He’s plenty familiar with this particular product and the way it feels to throw it off of a roof just to watch it fall apart. He unwraps it anyway.

Steven, sitting beside him, frowns. “Don’t you already...” he begins, but upon glancing at Todd’s face, his mouth snaps shut. He turns to Charlie and Gerard, who both shrug helplessly. The Poets had done their best to keep Todd’s spirits up throughout the day, but to no avail. Now, this present has Todd staring seemingly through it and shaking nearly imperceptibly.

“I have to go,” Todd mutters, rising to his feet. “Please don’t follow me.”

He leaves the room. The others stay put.

With his gift in hand, Todd goes to the roof of the school once more. He near collapses on the cold ground, shivering without a cloak, in the approximate spot where he had sat the previous year. _Maybe it’s lucky,_ he catches himself thinking feverishly. _Maybe it’s a lucky place and I’ll have a wish granted, like last year._

This time, there’s no one to comfort him, no one to console him with absurdity and love. Only Todd and a desk set that can’t fly and never could.

Todd peers over the short wall that borders the roof and wonders if he can fly. He stands up, still looking down, down, down at the ground below. _I’ve always been good at falling,_ he thinks, and that’s basically the same thing.

For a moment, he stands there, staring into the empty courtyard, and thinks about the flight and the fall. He wonders if, one year ago, Neil had been thinking the same thing.

He doesn’t jump. He never could. Too scared he wouldn’t stick the landing.

Instead, he holds the desk set out over the edge.

“This one’s for you, Neil,” he whispers into the night before letting go.

The papers start flying a second later, fluttering through the air with a sound like a flock of birds taking off. The rest of the package lands hard with a sickening thud.

Todd closes his eyes against his own tears and breathes.

He steps back from the edge and goes back inside to find his friends.


End file.
